Improving my overall health, although I've resolved to do such the last five years in a row and haven't done shit.

Staying positive, despite myself... and the world in general. Self-delusion, I mean!

Not blowing off social engagements all the time. Just most of the time.

Quitting smoking/drinking/insert bad habit here, despite my weak resolve.

Eating better, despite having majority stocks in Krispy Kreme.

Getting more sleep, even though my pets/parents/kids won't let me, and ASMR creeps me out.

Enrolling in a cheap college night course, so I have something to sound smug about during my lunch break at work.

NOTHING. I am PERFECT AS IS.

NOTHING. I never make it beyond the first week of any resolution.

Calendars are charts showing the days, weeks, and months of years, giving particularly annoying seasonal information. I AM NOT A SLAVE TO NUMBERS! DON'T PUT YOUR STRANGE NUMERICAL RULES ON ME! I am a STRONG, INDEPENDENT ARITHMOPHOBIAC!